Sunday, December 27
Saturday, December 26
I've decided to let it all go. The memories and the pain so I can finally start to truly love myself. Even though it'll be hard I know I'll be in the place I need to be for change. I beg you all to let go of all the unnecessary things you have in your life because you will soon be suffocated by those things. we all deserve happiness but we must fight for it. Get up and start over!
Friday, September 18
Okay so as some of you guys may know I'm a teen, to be exact 16.
I love being creative in my fashion and makeup.
My mom isn't for anything foreign nor exotic ( I think that basically means the same thing....meh)
So about 6 weeks ago she took my makeup away and basically told me she didn't want me to express myself in my clothes. I thought meh I still have my phone (of which I only use to talk to this guy I extremely like) but when I first got the phone my mom didn't know I had it so when she found out I had one she took it away. So for the next 2 weeks I was basically depressed. I had nothing I enjoyed and all I was left with was school work of which I was already stressed over.
A week ago I asked her if there was anything I could do to get to use it on the weekend and guess what she said? she said "yup I'll think of something so that you can gain that privilege".
Just when I thought there was some light coming back into my depressing stressful life she totally ate that light and spit it back out like it was nothing.
Yup just today I asked her if I could use it for the night and she said "no you can't have your phone".
DON'T GIVE ME FALSE HOPE PLEASE!
I can't help it I absolutely hate her now....all she knows is taking things away and acting as if she cares.
Thursday, July 2
Now I don't know if you guys know but I'm 16 with no job.
I really like to buy stuff...cute stuff that is.
In life you should always try to find things that please you and make you happy but make sure you don't do to much of that thing. For me the thing that makes me happy is shopping so I do it when ever I have the extra money.
Saturday, June 27
I never once thought I'd feel the way I do.
My feelings keep shifting from left to right and I wish they'd stop.
I've finally come with a solution to my problem.
I need to stop thinking to much about things.
I need to be secure with who I am and the actions I make. No matter what I am who I am and no one can change that.
Love yourself because you never know who may try to disturb the peace you have with yourself.
Thursday, June 18
Saturday, June 6
Can it heal my scarred heart?
Can it send someone to rescue me?
It can do none of that so why do people still feed me lies?
I don't want to live in a dream anymore, I want to see the reality that waits just outside my door.
The feeling of being an idiot makes me nervous and sad.
Why can't I just let it go?
My heart holds me back from seeing things without my rose colored glasses.
How long have I been asleep?
Feels as though I've been asleep all my life.
I'm suffocating and no one is there to save me.
I scream in my dreams but no one hears me.
My tears have become the river and is now killing me.
I've gone mad.
I can't help but think about it all.
My heart is filled and is about to fall and shatter.
I've fed myself lies and I don't want to do that anymore but I'm scared of how I'll end up when I see the truth.
Wednesday, June 3
Yesterday I got a survey but I didn't know it until this morning when I looked at my email.
So my W
Wednesday, May 27
I feel more insecure than I've ever felt.
I hate the faces of pretty girls as they walk by me with boys hanging at their every word.
I hate the "you're beautiful" comments every guy leaves on her pictures.
I wonder what is beauty? is it from the outside or the inside?
I don't look nor feel beautiful.
I hate myself for feeling this way.
I hate the tears that won't stop flowing.
I hate the way I feel when I think about him.
I know he doesn't like me and he will never like me but I really want to believe in my fantasy.
I want to call him a friend but I just feel like a nuisance to him even if he says I'm not.
i want to respond as soon as he texts back but I hold myself back to not show my interest in him.
I try to ignore his messages but they are all I see.
I want to cover my eyes and ears and hide.
I don't want anyone to see my tears.
I want to tell him my pain but I don't want to burden him more.
I want to talk to him nonstop but I know he doesn't.
I hate this feeling.
I want to stab myself in the heart so I can't feel anything for anyone.
I hate my insecure heart.
I hate my swaying emotions.
I just wish he'd stop talking to me so this pain I feel can go away.
I love talking to him but at the same time I hate it.
Please stop lying to me and tell me the truth....please....please....please
I hate the smile you put on my face.
Tuesday, April 28
Sunday, April 26
So this is what it feels like to miss someone as soon as they leave.
I never thought I could like anyone again but he has come in through the cracks of my heart.
His words mean more than he thinks they do.
When he tells me good night I feel as though he is telling me he loves me too and wishes I didn't have to go.
I can't help but smile at the very thought of him.
I'm embarrassing myself with how I feel about him.
I hate that I've gotten corny ever since falling for his "nice guy" aroma.
I know this is one sided but I don't really care about you liking me back, I like the way things are now and I never want them to change.
I love that you have opened up to me and that makes me feel special.
You calling me a "good friend" means alot more than the actual word "friend".
You let me in your broken heart and that means the world to me.
I love that you feel free enough to tell me how you truly feel on the inside and I like you more for that.
Even though I know you don't bare the same feelings I bare for you I still like you deeply.
I won't ruin what great relationship we have now by confessing to you since that is me just thinking about how I feel.
let's get along and strengthen our friendship so that it can lead us to places we never knew existed.
from yours truly 루비
Saturday, April 11
I have dreams that I want to full fill but I'm afraid I may end up never full filling any of them.
I think to much about the future.
I stress about what I want to be and if I'll even be able to be those things.
I'm afraid of tomorrow and I'm afraid of today.
I want to be happy but I'm to scared that it might all fade away.
I'm also afraid of forever being alone.
I'm alone now so won't I be alone forever.
I wish I could go away, far away from everything and everyone reminding me of my unseen future.
forced love isn't love at all.
You are flying away like the summer birds.
even though you are drifting farther and farther away your scent still stays.
Memories of you will always stay.
Even though you don't feel the same way I do I feel that it is my duty to tell you how I feel.
You make me dream of things I never dreamed about before.
Time seems to have stopped ever since I laid my eyes upon you.
Just the thought of you standing before me makes me nervous but excited.
Even though I know nothing good will come out of loving you I just can't help myself.
I know I will never mean anything to you
Please let me keep you close to my heart even when you may not know you are still there.
You may love someone else but I won't be upset for I've always known you'd love someone else.
You may not hear my heart beat for you but I understand that that's the way things are suppose to be.
Goodbye for now my love until our paths connect again.
Tuesday, March 31
My heart hasn't loved anyone so I fear I will never be able to love anyone properly.
My soul mate? I truthfully don't believe I have one.
I've lived my life in a cave with no one evening looking my way.
I do believe in soul mates but I don't believe that I myself have one.
sometimes I wonder what's wrong with me.
"Am I not pretty?", "Do I not have a good personality?' "or am I just not meant to be with anyone?' these questions swirl in my head every time I hear a guy say he likes my sister.
Could I possible be blind to all the guys who like me or did God put a spell on every guy I come into contact with that makes them not see me as anything more than a "friend".
I hate the fact that I care so much about love.
what is love to me? A spring bird drifting away?
I wish I could take out this love hungry heart so I can accept the fact that I will never have a "special person" in my life. I've told my self time and time again that I will never have someone liking, finding me attractive, nor loving me because it's just not meant to be.
When will I accept the fact that I will always be alone?
Saturday, March 21
Friday, February 27
Wednesday, February 25
Tuesday, February 24
Sunday, February 22
Well today I will explain what "to be on fleek" means.
For anyone's eyebrows to be on "fleek" they have to be nicely lined up or nicely colored in.
Anyone's eyebrows can be on "fleek" as long as they look good.
Of course if you was to look up the meaning of "fleek" it wouldn't mean what it is used for now.
using "fleek" as a way to say something on someone looks "good" is definitely a trending way of using "fleek" therefore I believe that "fleek" will be out of style by next year (or who knows maybe later on this year).
Saturday, February 21
Thursday, February 19
Saturday, February 14
Music is universal no matter what language the person is singing in or what race they are.
feel the music and go crazy!
Monday, February 9
Friday, January 23
For awhile my love for kpop has been slowly fading away until I found their music video "nightmare"
"nightmare" is pretty much their debut song and I find it pretty amazing.
I love how their doing something new finally^^
They're basicly a group that's going to bring the 90s back and I love it^-^
They make me scream like a stupid fan girl again
I have definitely gotten back to loving kpop again and I feel like a reborn fan girl^-^
But the one thing that annoys me is that they are getting alot of negative reviews from non korean ppl.
Its really annoying.
finally a group debuts and they are doing something totally different yet all people want to do is complain about how they're wearing dreads (like please shut up, can you do that hun?)
I think thats all I have to say about the oh so lovely group 1punch.
ah also guess what? the younger one is only 14 years old ^^ crazy right? but I love him>.<
check out the MVs I hope you guys like them just as much as I do ^^
Saturday, January 17
When I was taking a shower I was thinking about why guys don't like me with thoughts like "I must be ugly" and "what's it about me that guys just don't like?" but then this though came to me almost as if God himself was talking to me "you're not ugly and you don't have a horrible personality, you are not ready for a relationship, you need time grow".
I then realized that "yes I am to immature" and "yes I don't have enough confidence in myself".
I've now come to the conclusion that I just need to help myself grow.
I also need to build my fairly low self esteem.
I now understand and accept that I will not (not until I grow as a person) have anyone to call a "boyfriend" for a very long time and I'm perfectly fine with that.
Friday, January 9
Wednesday, January 7
Monday, January 5
So anything new happen? I'm pretty sure all of you guys' lives are just as simple as mine....sadly:(
Today I was planning on shopping the entire day for some groceries but ended up spending most of the day laying around then doing a workout.
Right now it's nearly midnight and I'm watching a noona romance drama^-^ it's pretty good... recommend
Sadly my foot hurts from running.
It hurts every time I pull my toes up and downT-T
I think I'm going to ice it.......brb
Back~ I iced it real good......but it still hurts.
I know I know "my foots not gonna just stop hurting after icing it I have to wait at least a day to see if it's totally healed".
Saturday, January 3
Today I woke up late like any other day (other than when I have to do school work or when I have a track workout) and had some breakfast (just crummy'ol cereal...I take that back there are plenty of ppl who can't even eat that).
Today was sad looking:( no sun what so ever. But I felt good cause I got to watch some TV(^-^)/ .
After the workout (which was at 4pm) nothing much happened. I just took a shower, had something to eat, than I got back on my blog. I know I know "there must be something else that happened?" but sadly guys that's truly what the day was. I'm sorry I'm pathetic
Well that's all for now.....안녕~