Sunday, December 27

The power of words

Move over. talk low. don't be noticed, you're nothing anyways. make yourself smaller and smaller every chance you get. You're using too much oxygen, breath less. you think you're something? Well guess what you're nothing. Why are you so quiet? I like your voice you should talk more. You're voice is something like an angel. Your existence is a piece of art, something impeccable. Your hug makes anyone feel as though they're at home again. Words can mean a million things. They can make you feel worthless and they can make feel beautiful. The word is composed of trillions of words stitched together to make everyone's lives different and special in their own way.

Clock of my life

Time wasted. Wasted on such useless things. Makes me wonder what's truly important in life. Do I still have time to change or is it too late? I think about what I want out of my life. I wonder if all I'll get is pain.

Poison for the sickly

Money...how fickle of a thing it is. Makes a man crumble. Makes people hungry for more and more. Money....how it's name makes any human being become a monster. Might as well make a holiday dedicated to it. Let go of it all, for it will only destroy you and make you its slave.

Saturday, December 26

But im here too...

You know sometimes I feel like nothing. As if I am non existing. like the breaths I take are just the wind. Like my thoughts are nothing but forgotten words from a book. I look for someone's watching eye, so I can say "I too live!" For that is all I want. I want to exist like everyone else. To feel loved and cared for is what most of us want right? This world is too confusing for someone like me. I want to be happy for him but how can I when I spending every waking moment hoping somewhere in his heart he thought of me as much as I did he. But now I know my fate, now its time for me to accept it and to keep moving. Love isn't for us all in this crowded place called earth.

Letting go

I've decided to let it all go. The memories and the pain so I can finally start to truly love myself. Even though it'll be hard I know I'll be in the place I need to be for change. I beg you all to let go of all the unnecessary things you have in your life because you will soon be suffocated by those things. we all deserve happiness but we must fight for it. Get up and start over!

Friday, September 18

My mom loves taking things.

My personal life sucks.....no seriously it does.

Okay so as some of you guys may know I'm a teen, to be exact 16.
I love being creative in my fashion and makeup.
My mom isn't for anything foreign nor exotic ( I think that basically means the same thing....meh)
So about 6 weeks ago she took my makeup away and basically told me she didn't want me to express myself in my clothes. I thought meh I still have my phone (of which I only use to talk to this guy I extremely like) but when I first got the phone my mom didn't know I had it so when she found out I had one she took it away. So for the next 2 weeks I was basically depressed. I had nothing I enjoyed and all I was left with was school work of which I was already stressed over.

A week ago I asked her if there was anything I could do to get to use it on the weekend and guess what she said? she said "yup I'll think of something so that you can gain that privilege".

Just when I thought there was some light coming back into my depressing stressful life she totally ate that light and spit it back out like it was nothing.
Yup just today I asked her if I could use it for the night and she said "no you can't have your phone".

I can't help it I absolutely hate her now....all she knows is taking things away and acting as if she cares.

Thursday, July 2

The monster inside me is trying to get out
Making money surely isn't easy, I should know I've been making money from home.
Now I don't know if you guys know but I'm 16 with no job.
I really like to buy stuff...cute stuff that is.

In life you should always try to find things that please you and make you happy but make sure you don't do to much of that thing. For me the thing that makes me happy is shopping so I do it when ever I have the extra money.

Saturday, June 27

He is the dork of my life.
I've never met someone so lame yet cute as him.
He has caused me pain I've never known without him even knowing it but that's one reason why I love him so much.

I love the joy I get after the pain from him.
He is truly amazing.
I feel shy even writing the truths from my heart of him.

I told him he was important to me for the first time, which was a huge step for me.
I even non nonchalantly told him I'd like attention from him.
I can't believe I like him so much it scares me a little.
I've never had these kinds of feeling as long as I've had them for anyone.
He is special.

unicorns are all I want to think about especially the ones that have candy *mouth waters*

I never once thought I'd feel the way I do.
My feelings keep shifting from left to right and I wish they'd stop.

I've finally come with a solution to my problem.
I need to stop thinking to much about things.
I need to be secure with who I am and the actions I make. No matter what I am who I am and no one can change that.

Love yourself because you never know who may try to disturb the peace you have with yourself.
 Humans give me headaches I must stay away from the internet portal.

Thursday, June 18

Felis día del padre!
 I know it's a little to early to say it but Happy Father's day!

Saturday, June 6

Time, what can time do?
Can it heal my scarred heart?
Can it send someone to rescue me?
It can do none of that so why do people still feed me lies?
I don't want to live in a dream anymore, I want to see the reality that waits just outside my door.
The feeling of being an idiot makes me nervous and sad.
Why can't I just let it go?
My heart holds me back from seeing things without my rose colored glasses.

How long have I been asleep?
Feels as though I've been asleep all my life.
I'm suffocating and no one is there to save me.
I scream in my dreams but no one hears me.
My tears have become the river and is now killing me.

I've gone mad.
I can't help but think about it all.
My heart is filled and is about to fall and shatter.

I've fed myself lies and I don't want to do that anymore but I'm scared of how I'll end up when I see the truth.

Wednesday, June 3

I got a survey!!! minutes after finding out I lost a survey I got a new one and guess what? it's paying 500$ ahhhhh!

Hi~ so guys I've been hustling lately and I've been getting alot more money than I've ever gotten.
Yesterday I got a survey but I didn't know it until this morning when I looked at my email.
So my W
ednesday tip is to always check your email everyday, you never know what might be waiting for you.

Wednesday, May 27

안녕 여러분! I'm back and I've brought with me a clip of myself singing "when you believe".
It's very short only 30 seconds so why don't you give it a listen.
I'm only singing the second verse.

16....I thought it'd be a perfect age but it's not.
I feel more insecure than I've ever felt.
I hate the faces of pretty girls as they walk by me with boys hanging at their every word.
I hate the "you're beautiful" comments every guy leaves on her pictures.
I wonder what is beauty? is it from the outside or the inside?
I don't look nor feel beautiful.
I hate myself for feeling this way.
I hate the tears that won't stop flowing.
I hate the way I feel when I think about him.
I know he doesn't like me and he will never like me but I really want to believe in my fantasy.
I want to call him a friend but I just feel like a nuisance to him even if he says I'm not.
i want to respond as soon as he texts back but I hold myself back to not show my interest in him.
I try to ignore his messages but they are all I see.
I want to cover my eyes and ears and hide.
I don't want anyone to see my tears.
I want to tell him my pain but I don't want to burden him  more.
I want to talk to him nonstop but I know he doesn't.
I hate this feeling.
I want to stab myself in the heart so I can't feel anything for anyone.
I hate my insecure heart.
I hate my swaying emotions.
I just wish he'd stop talking to me so this pain I feel can go away.
I love talking to him but at the same time I hate it.
Please stop lying to me and tell me the truth....please....please....please
I hate the smile you put on my face.

Sunday, April 26

To my personal "Bestie"

To my bestie 희인
So this is what it feels like to miss someone as soon as they leave.
I never thought I could like anyone again but he has come in through the cracks of my heart.
His words mean more than he thinks they do.
When he tells me good night I feel as though he is telling me he loves me too and wishes I didn't have to go.

I can't help but smile at the very thought of him.
I'm embarrassing myself with how I feel about him.
I hate that I've gotten corny ever since falling for his "nice guy" aroma.

I know this is one sided but I don't really care about you liking me back, I like the way things are now and I never want them to change.

I love that you have opened up to me and that makes me feel special.
You calling me a "good friend" means alot more than the actual word "friend".

You let me in your broken heart and that means the world to me.
I love that you feel free enough to tell me how you truly feel on the inside and I like you more for that.

Even though I know you don't bare the same feelings I bare for you I still like you deeply.
I won't ruin what great relationship we have now by confessing to you since that is me just thinking about how I feel.

let's get along and strengthen our friendship so that it can lead us to places we never knew existed.
 from yours truly 루비

Saturday, April 11

Close my future

Sometimes I get scared when I think about my future.
I have dreams that I want to full fill but I'm afraid I may end up never full filling any of them.
I think to much about the future.
I stress about what I want to be and if I'll even be able to be those things.
I'm afraid of tomorrow and I'm afraid of today.
I want to be happy but I'm to scared that it might all fade away.
I'm also afraid of forever being alone.
I'm alone now so won't I be alone forever.
I wish I could go away, far away from everything and everyone reminding me of my unseen future.

one-sided love hurts the most

What can I do if I can't make you love me.
forced love isn't love at all.
You are flying away like the summer birds.
even though you are drifting farther and farther away your scent still stays.
Memories of you will always stay.
Even though you don't feel the same way I do I feel that it is my duty to tell you how I feel.

You make me dream of things I never dreamed about before.
Time seems to have stopped ever since I laid my eyes upon you.
Just the thought of you standing before me makes me nervous but excited.
Even though I know nothing good will come out of loving you I just can't help myself.

I know I will never mean anything to you 
Please let me keep you close to my heart even when you may not know you are still there.
You may love someone else but I won't be upset for I've always known you'd love someone else.
You may not hear my heart beat for you but I understand that that's the way things are suppose to be.

Goodbye for now my love until our paths connect again.

The cool wind blows threw my window.
mama's cooking while baba's drinking.
As I pretend to be practicing my calligraphy I secretly listen to the news relayed on the radio.
I hear war may breakout but baba whines and complains about how they always say that.
"China is free!" "We the Chinese people live in peace and harmony" baba said to mama.
Even though Baba is right I feel that this time maybe the man on the radio is right.

Tuesday, March 31

Love can seem meaningless if you have no one to love and for them to love you back.
My heart hasn't loved anyone so I fear I will never be able to love anyone properly.
My soul mate? I truthfully don't believe I have one.
I've lived my life in a cave with no one evening looking my way.
I do believe in soul mates but I don't believe that I myself have one.
sometimes I wonder what's wrong with me.
"Am I not pretty?", "Do I not have a good personality?' "or am I just not meant to be with anyone?' these questions swirl in my head every time I hear a guy say he likes my sister.
Could I possible be blind to all the guys who like me or did God put a spell on every guy I come into contact with that makes them not see me as anything more than a "friend".

I hate the fact that I care so much about love.
what is love to me? A spring bird drifting away?
I wish I could take out this love hungry heart so I can accept the fact that I will never have a "special person" in my life. I've told my self time and time again that I will never have someone liking, finding me attractive, nor loving me because it's just not meant to be.

When will I accept the fact that I will always be alone?

Saturday, March 21

안녕 안녕! 잘지내지^^ Pass these 2 years I've been getting a lot more aware of what’s going on around in this world.
Actually I don’t know everything (it’s not possible and I’m glad I don’t) but I do know a lot more than what I knew when I was 14 and down.
I feel as though my eyes are finally being opened to all the corruption and evil that happens in this world.
Yes I did know that there was evil and corruption in this world when I was younger but I didn't know there was a ton of it.

Even though it is a little scary knowing things I didn't know when I was younger I feel like I know a lot more and it also makes me feel good about myself.
I think having enough knowledge  allows me to not be so ignorant to everything and it gives me a better view on everything from big to little things.

One of the things I like to do when I’m around other people is to observe how people interact with each other and observe the knowledge they give to one another.
But with hearing people state what they believe is true can be agonizing for me.
Why? Well it’s simple, finding things out that so many people don’t know anything about makes it hard for me to listen to people talk about things I know about and they don’t.
Take my older brother for example.
My older brother has an amazing interest and love for learning about different religions (such as Islam,Judaism,Christianity) so when he hears people talk about different religions (they tend to talk about Islam in a negative way) that they know nothing about he definitely feels the right to tell them the truth about the religion they are talking about.

Well my ending point is that I am now thirsty for the truth and what’s going on around me. 안녕~

Sunday, February 22

Today someone asked me what "your eyebrows are on fleek" meant.
Well today I will explain what "to be on fleek" means.

For anyone's eyebrows to be on "fleek" they have to be nicely lined up or nicely colored in.
Anyone's eyebrows can be on "fleek" as long as they look good.
Of course if you was to look up the meaning of "fleek" it wouldn't mean what it is used for now.
using "fleek" as a way to say something on someone looks "good" is definitely a trending way of using "fleek" therefore I believe that "fleek" will be out of style by next year (or who knows maybe later on this year).

안녕~ what are you guys up to? Right now i'm listening Judaai by Badlabur give it a try >> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t2VaF0ZX65w

Saturday, February 21

Make everyday a masterpiece!
Make every moment worth it!
Fight for your dreams!

Dreams aren't just dreams! unless you make them reality.
work hard so you can play hard!

Saturday, February 14

Kawaii music is all I'm about in the music scene but don't get me wrong I love my Rock,Reggaeton and my pop but my playlist is full of indie....sowwy:(

Music is universal no matter what language the person is singing in or what race they are.
feel the music and go crazy!

나 왔어요^o^/ I'm back~~~
Todo bien? Bien?malo?  I'm good.
보고 싶었어요:( I've been really busy lo sientoT-T
I'll make sure to write more okay?

Ready set GO!

Friday, January 23

So today I ran into this new kpop group called 1punch....... I love them>.<
For awhile my love for kpop has been slowly fading away until I found their music video "nightmare"
"nightmare" is pretty much their debut song and I find it pretty amazing.
I love how their doing something new finally^^
They're basicly a group that's going to bring the 90s back and I love it^-^
They make me scream like a stupid fan girl again 
funny thing is that I've only done that to 2 groups so far so I really do like them.

I also love their song "turn me back" it's also very 90s like and I dearly love that song too.
I have definitely gotten back to loving kpop again and I feel like a reborn fan girl^-^

But the one thing that annoys me is that they are getting alot of negative reviews from non korean ppl.
Its really annoying.
finally a group debuts and they are doing something totally different yet all people want to do is complain about how they're wearing dreads (like please shut up, can you do that hun?)

I think thats all I have to say about the oh so lovely group 1punch.

ah also guess what? the younger one is only 14 years old ^^ crazy right? but I love him>.<

check out the MVs I hope you guys like them just as much as I do ^^

Saturday, January 17

I've come to the conclusion that it isn't that I'm not pretty it's just that God doesn't think I'm ready for that kind of relationship with someone yet.

When I was taking a shower I was thinking about why guys don't like me with thoughts like "I must be ugly" and "what's it about me that guys just don't like?" but then this though came to me almost as if God himself was talking to me "you're not ugly and you don't have a horrible personality, you are not ready for a relationship, you need time grow".

I then realized that "yes I am to immature" and "yes I don't have enough confidence in myself".
I've now come to the conclusion that I just need to help myself grow.
I also need to build my fairly low self esteem.
I now understand and accept that I will not (not until I grow as a person) have anyone to call a "boyfriend" for a very long time and I'm perfectly fine with that.

Friday, January 9

Feeling the warm of a fire next to me makes me feel whole
Just imagine summer coming back. How I can't wait to feel some heat.

There is one thing I like about cold weather.
That I can get warm where as in summer its hard to get cool.

Guys....I think I'm in love with.....


So my mom says ulzzang is only for asian girls.....what do you guys think??

its really cold today (it was also cold yesterday-_-) 어떻게ㅠ-ㅠ

Sorry for not saying good nightT-T I'm not being a good blogger saweey...
Good after noon though

Wednesday, January 7

hey my lovelys~ the sky looks beautiful right now^-^ its sundown.
The sky is pink on the top and orange at the buttom...its very pretty^-^

Monday, January 5

Hai Hai

 Hey guys 오랜만이야. ㅎㅎㅎ actually it's only been half a day

So anything new happen? I'm pretty sure all of you guys' lives are just as simple as mine....sadly:(
Today I was planning on shopping the entire day for some groceries but ended up spending most of the day laying around then doing a workout.

Right now it's nearly midnight and I'm watching a noona romance drama^-^ it's pretty good... recommend

 Sadly my foot hurts from running.
It hurts every time I pull my toes up and downT-T
I think I'm going to ice it.......brb

 Back~ I iced it real good......but it still hurts.
I know I know "my foots not gonna just stop hurting after icing it I have to wait at least a day to see if it's totally healed".   


Saturday, January 3

 Good night 잘자~ let's dream of fairy dust and being on a cruise.


 god why are you so cute >.<
hehe this looks funny to me^_^ junsu~




hai Hai~ Welcome to the first page of my diary! 

Today I woke up late like any other day (other than when I have to do school work or when I have a track workout) and had some breakfast (just crummy'ol cereal...I take that back there are plenty of ppl who can't even eat that).    

 Today was sad looking:( no sun what so ever. But I felt good cause I got to watch some TV(^-^)/ . 

 After the workout (which was at 4pm) nothing much happened. I just took a shower, had something to eat, than I got back on my blog. I know I know "there must be something else that happened?" but sadly guys that's truly what the day was. I'm sorry I'm pathetic  

 Well that's all for now.....안녕~